Yarn Along: A post of two halves

This is a post of two halves. If I’d written it yesterday, I’m not sure it would have been. Actually, I’m not sure I could have written it yesterday. Anyway, the usual, fun, yarny stuff is at the top. The more serious note is at the bottom.

It’s been a tough ten days, where I have mostly kept my head down and interacted with people as little as possible. While that’s been bad in all kinds of ways (see below!), it’s been good for the crochet!

Britsock, sample crochet shawl, homemade project bag

I’ve got through my first skein of Britsock for the design I’m working on, and wow, I love this yarn. It’s silky and fluffy all at once, and is just a dream to work with. Deadlines have slipped, so I don’t know if I’ll get this out when I wanted to, but I’m going to try!

Start of crochet cardigan sleeve

Last night, I was actually feeling up to picking up the Cardigan of Doom, and I was so glad I did. With an hour and a half to concentrate and work on it, I got about halfway up the second sleeve! Progress! Hopefully I’ll get it finished today, so that I can unpick and re-do the other one on Thursday and Friday, ready for Mum to try on at the weekend. We will get there!

No books in my Overdrive library message

One of the things I’ve fallen behind on this week is listening to books. I’ve got 4 on loan at the moment, but none have really grabbed me. I’ve tried a few, but none of the writing styles have really worked for me, and I find my attention drifting. So I’m going to give this one a go instead:

cover of book: the last empress

Her story was in Princesses Behaving Badly, which I read a few weeks ago, and while this is a fictional version, if the writing’s good, it’s exactly the sort of thing I like. I’ll report back!

Don’t forget to click the picture at the top of the post to see what everyone else is working on this week.

After making a couple of dozen attempts to write this post, I’m starting to understand why people keep their blogs as purely happy places, where they don’t talk about struggles or problems in any kind of detail. It’s almost impossible to hit the right tone where you don’t sound like you’re complaining, but you get across how tough the week has been. But I’m going to at least try, because this has been my week, and if it’s been your week too, it’s really important to hear that it’s not just you.

Since last Monday week everything has felt very bleak. I haven’t been able to do things with deadlines, some of which were very important to me. I haven’t been able to do the things I enjoy – Ravelry, podcasts, music, reading. Doing anything other than sleeping has just seemed beyond me. I’ve cried a lot, for no reason – a newspaper headline, a missed bus, being unable to decide what to have for lunch. When I’ve seen people, I’ve done a lot of talking. A lot. And tried to say nothing because my words haven’t felt under my control. I haven’t been able to wash my hair. I’ve eaten a lot of things. A lot. Not all of them good for me. It’s been hard to feel anything.

Last night, I managed to have a shower and wash my hair. I’m starting to feel things other than anger and anguish, and my sense of humour is coming back. Now I have to find the energy to face up to all the stuff I’ve missed. I’m trying not to tackle all of it at once, in case it sends me on another downward trend with the sheer weight of things I have failed to do. Baby steps and bare essentials. Everything else is a bonus.

I’m not putting this down for you to feel upset or sorry for me – I have a lot of support and prayer that holds me up when I’m like this, and I hang on, knowing I’ll come out the other side. I have my faith, which is sustaining and the only thing I know when I know nothing else. But the recent documentary The stranger on the bridge has had my colleagues discussing mental health issues for the first time, and with compassion. At the moment, when they say “it makes you wonder who else might be struggling and you don’t know it” I don’t say anything. I’m not up to that conversation yet. But if you are, and you have the chance, please take it. Having things in the open, de-stigmatised, is the first step for a lot of people to be able to say “but I feel like that. You mean I don’t have to?”

And if you’re stuck and wondering what to do, Mind have a lot of information in easily digestible form. It’s a UK charity, but the information is borderless and well worth checking out.


17 thoughts on “Yarn Along: A post of two halves

  1. So sorry to read about your week. Hopefully society is becoming more aware and sympathetic towards mental ill health. Hoping you have a better week. I’VE no time to do a yarn along this week, hopefully will next week when I will give a mention to a book you might like.


  2. Hugs to you! Some weeks are just – tough. I try to keep my blog positive because I hate to sound like I’m complaining but you know what? Sometimes you just have to let it out and say what’s on your heart. On a positive note – your projects look great! I hope you have a better day today. Smile 🙂


  3. I understand how you’re feeling, and I know that words are not always helpful in that situation. 🙂 You have our support, and things will get better. Your projects look beautiful— hoping next week is looking up a bit for you. xx


  4. Thank you for sharing your work and your struggles. I don’t know if this will help or not, but I feel like I’m just emerging from about seven years of depression. It is amazing how much more I can cope with normal life now. I will remember you in prayer.


  5. Ok, the Britsock and the design are just lovely! I’m glad you have this space where you feel like you can be honest, because life isn’t always happy all the time. Saying a little prayer 🙂


  6. That crochet is looking lovely. Thank you so much for including the second half of your post. I’ve struggled with similar feelings and finally reached out for help last year. It’s really hard not to beat myself up for not accomplishing everything I feel like I should, but you’ve reminded me that its okay to be me. Sometimes surviving the day is a huge accomplishment that needs to be celebrated.


  7. You are not alone either. My husband is going through a similar time in his life. But with support you will feel happy again, and be able to enjoy life. Thinking of you.
    On another note the crochet looks great and I hope to get my hands on some britsock soon.


  8. *hugs* Sorry things are so tough right now (and sorry for not saying that in person, but I’m only just catching up with blog posts now!). xx


  9. Sorry you’ve had a rubbish week, mind stuff is hard *hugs*. And yes, very good point about how you can’t know who else might be feeling similarly. Hope things get easier for you.


  10. Thank you for sharing. I have been on this cancer journey for several years, (my last PetScan was clear), and it wasn’t until I reached the depths, did I finally reach out for help. Like you, my faith has sustained me, and God has used others to help me along. I felt ashamed to ask for help as I battled depression, but it was one of the best things I did. Now I wonder why I didn’t get help sooner. I have learned so much about myself, about my faith, and about surrender. I hope you are having a much better week. 😀


  11. Oh yes. I know that feeling – if I start to write anything on the blog right now I will “expose myself” and I can’t do that so I can’t write anything, so… yeah.
    Woolly hugs to you.


  12. Several months ago, while I was still dealing with a small child that woke several times during the night, I would sit up at night, feeding him and posting random bits on Facebook. Oftentimes, it was things such as my need for sleep and so on. A friend of mine told me he found my Facebook posts rather refreshing because they were so honest, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the sleep-deprived. I treat my blog in much the same manner….but blogging is more difficult because the posts are bigger. So, sometimes……..well, sometimes things just aren’t conveyed as well as they are on Facebook. But it’s still there. And it’s okay to let it out.


  13. It’s so hard to put some of the gritty side of life out there on your blog. I think it probably requires a certain strength that I usually don’t possess in my down moments, so at those times I simply don’t post. Hope you get through whatever is making your life seem so bleak right now.


  14. I try to talk about my depression on my blog as much as I can, but I agree with you, it’s hard to sound like you’re not complaining. It’s so easy for other people – or even yourself, later when you’re feeling a bit better – to read it and say ‘why don’t you just snap out of it’, which is SO FRUSTRATING.

    In general, I’ve found that exercise helps….but it can take a superhuman effort to force myself to get changed and leave the house, so that doesn’t always happen. If it goes on for too long and you’ve not already seen a doctor, please do think about it. Understanding and acceptance of mental health issues is along the path to recovery.

    I love the colours of your yarn, the first one makes me think of camping and mountains!


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